Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Just My Luck Post #1

I've run into a lot of bad luck in my life (leaving me with a lot of bruises) and always swore I would write a book about all my grace-induced stories one day. Well, if ever I do - this will be Chapter One . . .

Back in high school . . .

--WAIT - screw that, I think I'll write a screenplay instead.--



Main character, Googley (*my real nick name in high school . . . there are many claims as to who came up with the name, what inspired it, and whether malicious intent was involved or not), is walking out to the parking lot at Apopka High School. We see the Darter in the pond and the students walking out at the end of the day. Googley walks towards her Dodge Omni parked in the first space in the Senior Lot - painted with the Handicapped Wheelchair dude.


Oh hey, Kris . . . what's up?


Yo, Googley (did I mention I went to school with a bunch of gansters) are you gonna go to Wendys today?

Don't know - why?

Thought you might want to throw your keys away again. HA HA - snort -

GOOGLEY reaches in to smack KRIS in the head for being such a dimwit.

As she leans in, driver of Green Bronco, DANA (oh yeah, a boy - who's best friends Cary and Kelly were also boys . . .) pulls away to save poor Kris from the solid steel that is GOOGLEY's hand.

The force of the car flips GOOGLEY into the air. She lands on the ground in time to have her left arm be run over by the back tire of the Bronco. She lies on the ground in shock for a couple minutes before she realizes her skirt is flipped over as well and exposing her panties. She starts to giggle along with everyone else and then faints on the asphalt.



GOOGLEY is at home wearing a cast on her left arm.

GOOGLEY (on the phone)
Yeah, we couldn't find Snickers all day yesterday. But I woke up this morning and she was under my bed with her three kittens - and a lovely stain. It was nasty . . . but the kitties are so cute! Butterfinger, KitKat and Oreo. Oreo's the cutest - all black with a white stripe down his back. Oh, wait - I hear them crying upstairs . . .

Hangs up and throws the phone on the couch.

Runs up the stairs and at the 10th step, trips UP the stairs and screams out in pain


GOOGLEY starts to whimper and the sound mixes with the pitiful mewing of the kittens. Frame pans up towards GOOGLEY's room and GOOGLEY's whimpers start to fade as the cats's cries get louder. We are brought under a bed where two young kittens are drinking from their mother's teat and a third one is under its mothers tongue - his death as obvious as the white line down his black back.



KRIS loading a wheelchair into the back of his own truck in GOOGLEY's driveway.

Thanks for taking me to school . . . I only have to be in the wheel chair until my arm is out of the cast - then I can use crutches. And you know how Gangster Googley (my younger sister) is - she's too embarrassed to take me, and her pom pons take up most of her trunk space anyway.

Oh, it's all good in the hood.

CUT TO Parking Lot of school. Kris parks in a space across from Googley's. He helps get the wheelchair out and she gets in. He pushes her through the empty parking spot towards the ramp down to the circle driveway in front of the school.

GOOGLEY (always the funny one . . . )
You know, you can just let me go at the top of the ramp.

KRIS brushes the ash from his jacket as he tries to rub the THC from his eyes.


KRIS, the fucking idiot, lets go of GOOGLEY's wheelchair at the top of the ramp. The wheelchair picks up speed and we see GOOGLEY's face full of fear of being sprung into the nasty lake in the middle of the circle driveway ('scusting!!) but LOE and BEHOLD - what comes to her rescue, but a 1989 silver Volvo wagon waiting in the circle - ready to stop her chair from the nastiness by crushing her knees and eating her lip.



Close up of Vicodin bottle in GOOGLEY's purse - slung on the back of her wheelchair as she is pushed through the hallways by her good friend Kelly - a girl this time - adorned with "Googley Crossing" signs. Her fat lip does not hide the smile on her face.

So, what do you think? I think I have a magical way with dialogue - don't you agree? there's many more of these to come . . .


Dan said...

How many stunt people will be required for this production? It's kind of like Jackass, the drama.

"The D" said...

Sounds like this Kris fella didn't like you much, him being responsible for 2 or these "accidents". Or he had a super 10 year old boy crush on you. You know what I mean. Little boy pushes down little girl at recess, not because he dislikes her but because he wants her to have his babies. It’s the law of the play ground. (which reminds me I have to go push a girl down.)

Good screen play. I’d pay to see the movie.

KC Sponge said...

Darren - you'd just see the movie so you can look at my underwear. Pervert.

Dan - I plan on doing all my own stunts. Oh yeah - I'm playing myself in this flick. It would take entirely too much training to get someone else to reach my level of grace, and they don't make too many wigs out there that look like my hair, you know.

Sassywho said...

alright, i can't beat that shit. and i thought i was bad.

Spyder said...

What ever you do do not chew gum!

Anonymous said...

Why don't you just start going to church?

mamakelly said...

Sandie, that was so funny and I already knew the whole story. I am crying, I was laughing so hard. I don't know if it's clear enough in that story that you broke your foot running up the stairs?? Ofcourse, it will be obvious in the movie. Hee hee. As the good friend Kelly. Glad I could be there for you. I love you. I also want to play myself. For no one could love you as I did and do. Can't wait till the 19th. I have some really great, "guess what I did today???", stories. My life has resorted back to them. I wish I were on your trampoline with you right now. Bye.

I'm taking in all the happenings in Kansas City and saving you all the trouble . . . I'll let you know whether to soak it up or squeeze it out!!