Friday, February 20, 2009

Help me name my kid . . .

Naming Elle was an ordeal - went through lists and vetoes and more lists and more vetoes - until we had two options left at the end . . . Elle and Ava. I wanted a name that was a palindrome since she was going to be born in 2002 - but I also wanted something with a little more meaning as well. Elle won out in the end - and I love it. My middle name is Mechelle, so is her Godmother's, if we called her 'Ellie' (which we never did, thank goodness), it would sound like Kelly - my best friend forever, Jeff's dad's first name is Lewis, so he is L . . . it was just all around a good name. Quinn is my grandmother's maiden name, and also the last name that was first printed on my dad's birth certificate - and I freakin love it, so I sneakily added it to the birth certificate within the week's time frame after leaving the hospital (Jeff doesn't have a middle name, so he didn't think she should either . . . )

While I think I should have a little more say in the naming because, A. I care more about it - I think about it every day - by god, I'm blogging about it! and, B. he gets the last name (which for purposes of my seemingly paper-thin attempts at remaining anonymous, along with my need of your help in the complete process, we will just say that it sounds like FrozenFat), and C. I'm the one who is getting fat (and the heartburn alone should get me something, right?!) - I still have to take Jeff's consideration into well, consideration. So, some options that are immediately removed - even though I love them with all of my heart - are Icie (my great-grandmother's name) and Beatrix (Jeff doesn't have a problem with this name, just with the fact that I would insist on calling her Trixie - a strippers name in his opinion, and a wonderfully sweet-sounding and unique one in mine).

And please take into consideration that I have been waiting for another baby for the last 4 years, so this list has been compiled and edited many times . . . I just need your opinions - not because I care if you hate the name, or if you knew some wretched person with that same one, or you know a creative way that the kids on the playground will make fun of her . . . please, feel free to share these, but I just really am writing this post so that 15 years from now when Icie Beatrix FrozenFat is sulking in her room, crying because the other Icie's in her class make fun of her because she's the only one who spells her name with an -ie instead of a -y (like any sane mother who thought she was giving her child a sweet name would do) . . . I can at least show her that I put some thought into it - that I may have failed her, but it wasn't because I didn't try to do something good.

So, so far . . . my options are:

Matilda I really love Matilda - its been on the list the longest. Matilda is my favorite book by my favorite author - Roald Dahl - and she is portrayed in the movie version by one of the cutest young actresses ever . Possible nicknames are "Millie" and "Tillie" - both of which I adore. It's a German name for "mighty in battle" - maybe she'll grow up to be in roller derby. I could spell it Mathilde - but I think I'd have to teach her how to shot put if I do that to her.
I like Matilda Jane (Jane is my father's biological mother - my aunt who died last year) because it sounds good together and there is a cute line of children's clothes that would give me an excuse to spend too much money on little girl's fashion - 'Hello! Its already personalized! There is no way to quantify the value of that!)
I also really love Matilda Bee - I would get to have a little of Beatrix that I want (Beatrix Potter will always and forever remind me of my maternal grandmother - Granny - and the books she would read to me and the kind of person she was), Jeff's dad has bee hives and harvests honey, it would show a little hint of my political and humorist sides, and I would be able to credit a fellow blogger with helping to name my child (and what self-respecting 21st century girl wouldn't love that!) Also, wouldn't have to put too much thought into her first Halloween costume. Also, Secret Life of Bees is one of my favorite recent books - such a great story of womens' strength, vulnerability, sisterhood, and love.

Amelie is a french name form of Amelia meaning 'industrious and striving, work' - I know, really romantic, eh? But it is a beautiful name, and of course, the name of one of my favorite movies - and favorite characters ever written for page or screen. It was also the first romantic comedy Jeff and I ever saw together in the theatre (and one of the few since) - all you have to do is make him read subtitles and it instantly gets credit. I could call her 'Millie' here as well - and Elle and her would share French first names.

May is my first choice for a middle name if her name is Amelie . . . because hopefully, she'll wait until May to be born. But also, May is an important month in my family - my birthday, my sister's, the first granddaughter's, my Granny's, Mother's Day . . . all very important ladies in my life. It means 'the fifth month' in English - I know, all my favorite names have no good literal or translated meaning, that's why its so important to have a personal one attached - but it also is a Sanskrit word for 'illusion' - which I think is pretty cool. But also, Maya has always been a favorite of mine - to be named after Maya Angelou, author of two very important pieces to my love of the written word - "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" and "Phenomenal Woman", civil-rights activist, and Womanist - but the name Maya, or Mia, or Mya, or Maia are way too popular and graze the top 100 lists, which is an automatic veto in my book. And she'll always feel like she's allowed to do things - in the 3rd person, but still - it'll give the girl some confidence to make her own decisions.

My newest favorite name is Demi - or Demme - haven't decided how I'd spell it. If you don't know much about me, you may not know that I love to dance - love to teach it, to do it, to create it - and 'demi' to a dancer is foundational to her understanding of technique, execution, scale, and universality. It means 'half' in translation, but 'small' or 'little' works, too. I think it's a precious name for a little girl. And for a far-reaching literary connection . . . Demi Moore portrayed Erin Grant in the movie version of Strip Tease, based on Carl Hiaasen's book of the same name. To name my daughter after an actress that played a hard-working stripper with a concious created by a long-time favorite Hiaasen (a babysitting charge of my maternal Granny, btw) . . . how can you pass it up?

The last one is Kersten - my maiden name. Easy enough.

Some runners up - and ones that still have a chance if I can find a good combo with something with a little more meaning . . .
Dorothy (to solidify my fag-hag status . . . also my great aunt's name)
Jala (one of my favorite people ever - and a pretty kick ass name to boot)

But the big contenders are:
Matilda Bee or Matilda Jane
Amelie May OR Amelie Maeve
Demme May OR Demi Kersten OR Kersten Demi (half Kersten - I dig it) OR Demi Maud

I just need help - what do you think?

Friday, February 13, 2009

A little advice, please

So, when a guy comes in to my office to do his taxes so that he can get some cash to pay his prostitute, and she drives away with his car while he's sitting at my desk and he springs out of his seat to chase her down the road and jumps into the passenger side and kicks the bitch to the curb and drives back and parks just in time to catch her fist in the parking lot and the ensuing tussle attracts 3 more SUV's to the parking lot and so she runs into my office to call 911 and tell them she was trying to pull a trick when this guy beat her up and she wants to press charges and starts yelling to the guys outside that they don't know who her man is and they better go before the police get there and I give him his paperwork back as he leaves and politely tell her that I'm closing up for the day because I have to go pick up my daughter and she's mad because I won't wait for the police to come and tell her to find her at her apartment - right next door - but I still let her use the phone to make one more call - to the guy that just left to see if he would pick her up and give her a ride . . . and then the guy comes back the next day to complete his return and apologize and tell me he's really a nice guy (but when a crack whore steals your ride, what else are you to do but kick her ass) and I give him a refer-a-friend card to give to a friend or family member and the prostitute comes back in the next day with it . . .

should I give her the $15 coupon that the card provides, or just go ahead and give her the 20% off local business discount?

(dang, tax season is tough)

I'm taking in all the happenings in Kansas City and saving you all the trouble . . . I'll let you know whether to soak it up or squeeze it out!!