Thursday, May 15, 2008

The Spank Dance (or Tatting Ass)

For my good friend, Nuke

In my last post, I confused some people with some lingo . . . I guess I really am too hip for this blogging business. ;) But tatting ass is what I have always referred to when discussing major dorks on the dance floor pretending to be behind a girl - or other guy - and spanking their ass, sometimes in rhythm to the music - but most of the time not. Some major douche bags do it to emphasize a point, sans dance floor - like, "Yeah, she really wants my jock!!" followed by the spank dance. I even think there is a handbook out there - revised for 2008 - that includes the steps to total douchedom . . .

1. Say, "That's what she said!!!"

2. Bite bottom lip and limply nod your head, cocked to one side.

3. Tat that ass!! (Remember - keep mouth slightly open the whole time - preferably lip curled to one side)

Some stupid - namely wasted - girls will try to pull off the same dance with their friends to make them look sexy at the club. But usually the front girl just falls over and the girl doing the tatting feels really bad and starts crying on the dance floor and wishes she had just made out with her friend instead, like every other smart slut out there.

Here's a video that showcases some guys making fun of another guy's Spank Dance. I mean, cause they are way cooler, obviously.

I hope I've cleared this up a little.

As for scratching records, here is a picture of some cute kids learning how to scratch records at a DJ camp in New York City

Now imagine the aforementioned wastoid pretending to do the same thing on his friend's bald head, adding a audible, "wicka, wicka" at inappropriate and ridiculous times in otherwise quite enjoyable music. Then pumping his fist and pretending to hump the seat in front of him.

It was awesome. Actually, I wish I didn't understand what the fuck I was talking about either. Life would be so much more pleasant.


Spyder said...

And here I thought tatting ass was getting a tattoo on your ass.

Nuke said...

Thanks for the clarification Sponge! I thought that might be what scratching you were talking about, but I pictured the guy doing it to his own head (which would have been kind of retarded). The fact that he did it to his buddy, you are correct "douche".

I never woulda guessed on ass tatting tho. The definition would have been plenty, as I fear the video will haunt me a while.

And Spyder, that would be a perfectly reasonable assumption, except for the crowd. I like my tattooist to be jostle free when sticking it to me.

Well Hell Michelle said...

I've never heard it called "tatting ass" before. Usually it's "tap that ass":

KC Sponge said...

Yes, Michelle, but "Tap that Ass" is more of an expression - like, "Yeah, I'd tap that ass!", where tatting ass is an actual move (see video). I'm sure they have roots very similar to each other, but one should not be confused with the other. On occasion, a very reasonable man might be encouraged to use 'tap that ass' in rhetorical conversation, but one would never pull out the Tatting Ass move without severe risk of becoming a World Class Douche.


Doc said...


so, i'm not sure, but maybe that black mold growing across the wall in their house has already diminished what liitle IQ the 'tat ass' dancers started with.

they do resemble the refrain:

"Are we not men?
We are DEVO!"

Anonymous said...

does anyone think porn is the only business still thriving during the credit cruch? I think many folks seek refuge in buying and wanking porn during the crunch


I'm taking in all the happenings in Kansas City and saving you all the trouble . . . I'll let you know whether to soak it up or squeeze it out!!